How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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