i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
