I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
