Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize