Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
