I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you win again, gameday.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Randomize
