I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
