god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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