I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Just took my morning after pill in the library
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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