First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
handjob tips. give me some.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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