Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
