separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
