david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
