I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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