She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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