one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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