I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
