TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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