I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
