On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
