oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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