and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
