mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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