3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
