Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
