Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
