can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
ugly people sure do ruin things
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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