just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
