At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize