rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
