I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize