I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Who put my cat in the fridge?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
