Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
