Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
