he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
