I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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