I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
