I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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