The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
it was like eating out sand paper
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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