I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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