Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
