You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
