Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize