And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
