Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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