Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize