So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
