I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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