so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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