You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
