Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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