Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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