God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
