He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
