first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
