Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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