Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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