Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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