her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
