One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
