peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
