Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize