So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
