She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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