WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
