does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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