Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
