It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
