Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
