break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
