am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
