Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize