I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
