Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
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