whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
