I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
