You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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