I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
