Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She bit a glass in half.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
How does one acquire holy water?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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