Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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