Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
