Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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