I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I smell like Dick and happiness
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
