I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
