is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
