Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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