Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
