Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
