tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize