Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
