i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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