And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
