If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
