I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
