The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
