I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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